The Secret Obstructionist Xenophobic Agenda of the UVM Student Government… THEY WANT TO CHOP DOWN ALL THE TREES ON CAMPUS!!!

DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!? ?! !!?!!

Good! Because I’ve got some important things to say:

There was a concerning (and down-right terrifying) article about the direction of UVM’s Student Government Association (SGA) in this week’s edition of The Vermont Cynic. More concerning than the concerning fact itself is the fact that no one else seems concerned…

The SGA is clearly trying to slip some controversial legislation through while everyone else is too busy studying for finals, so I’m taking some time out of my busy study schedule to raise some awareness about this important issue that you should care about.

According to The Cynic, the SGA is going after foreigners on campus, trying to pass a piece of legislation that would first ban new foreigners on campus, and then see the removal of existing foreigners, to be replaced with natives.

The #1 target: Norwegians!

According to The Cynic (which apparently no longer bothers to update its website), certain SGA senators are recommending that we no longer admit Norwegian Maples on to our campus, labeling them as “invasive.”

Why are tree activists not all over this? This sort of move will set back the tree diversity movement on campus by at least 300 years, and no one seems to care.

Well, I care, for personal reasons.  Back in 2008, I became good friends with a Kentucky Coffee Tree on campus. I learned her story, listened to her music, and almost drank her poison coffee… We were good friends.  But she may very well be targeted under this legislation, as Kentucky Coffee Trees are non-native.

But this tree, this tree is down-right exotic and as old as the mastodons… And our SGA wants to see her gone.  *Sniff* It brings a tear to my eye.

Now, I wanted to do a bit of research into the Norwegian Maple, soon to be Public Enemy #1, to see if maybe there actually was something sinister about this foreign invader.

According to Wikipedia, Ol’ NorMaple has “good looks and urban hardiness” (hmm, maybe him and Kentucky Coffee Tree can get together…) but also “releases chemicals to discourage undergrowth” by which means it edges out the competition and dominates the forest.  Aw, poor guy can’t help himself.  And now the SGA is making him the villain.  SHAME ON THEM!

Its a hard life for an immigrant to this country!  He was to contend with Asian Long-horned Beetles, Ledidoptera that feed on maples, and a number of mildews and wilts.  Can’t we cut the poor guy a break?!

Get it?  “Cut him a break?” Haha!

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