We helped the Peace River Wildlife Refuge begin to relocate from their problematic sub-division to a move remote location inside the Ocala National Forest.  Mostly, we erected a really tall fence, but we also got to play with some animals.

Monkeys.  Smart. Capable. A-dorbile….

And very good at staring contests…

Aw, little cute fellah….

Yikes.

I got to meet Natalie Portman…

And this is our monster fence that we constructed…

A very hot spring break, in more ways than one.

Thought I’d take some time to update you on a few things, both in my life and on my mind:

• Normally, I follow one or two threads of news stories with interest and block out the rest.  These days, however, I’m regularly reading a dozen articles a day at least!  If you are not following the Federal budget impending doom, the Wisconsin union impending doom, or the Mideast/N. Africa impending doom, I recommend that you get reading!
• I’m going to Florida for my “Alternative Spring Break” in a week and a half.  We’re going to help move an animal sanctuary from its present home near a growing airport to a new, quieter home a few hundred miles away.  So, it looks like I’ll be spending a lot of time in a van with 11 other 18-22 year-olds… Been there, done that.
• Speaking of which!  AmeriCorps is in danger!  The radical slash and burn tactics of the kakistocracy in the U.S. House have led to a budget proposal with NO FUNDS (that’s ZERO dollars… Nil, zip, nada) for AmeriCorps programs!  If you have not already: Go! Go now! Sign the online petition!
• I’m getting a mandolin! For a few hundred dollars (thank you, IRS) I’m getting a chance at a lifetime of fulfilling artistic endeavors.  Here she is. Should be coming in any day now, courtesy of Advance Music.
• Speaking of the IRS… I’ve been down at City Hall here in Burlington a few times over the past few weeks working with their VITA program, doing income tax preparation.  The program here is much more relaxed than in Tulsa, not that I’m complaining (no septuagenarian tax guru comes after me with a cane if I mess up).
• My thesis proposal cleared committee!  I’ll be producing translations of six hilarious/depressing mythological vignettes from Ovid’s Metamorphoses. … And, that’s about as far as I’ve gotten with that.

I think that there was more, but I can’t quite conjure it up now (that’s the trouble with only posing once in a blue-moon… You never can remember what happened in between).  As always, I’ll try to be better about it!  In the mean time, enjoy the remainder of your winter!  Or, for all my South American readers: ¡Disfrutan el resto de su verano!

There is a good reason, you see.

It’s because I’ve been on a “hilarious and scathing” comedy tour under my hilarious and scathing pseudonym, Jamie Kilstein…

Check it out: http://www.highergroundmusic.com/2010/11/jamie-kilstein/

Now, I know you’re wondering: How’d I arrive at “Jamie Kilstein” for a pseudonym?  Well, it is roughly half the letters from my given name, anagram-ed with the additional letters N, E, and I, a hilarious and scathing tribute to my personal heroes, Neils Armstrong, Young and Goldman.

By the way: Armstrong, Young and Goldman… GREAT name for a law firm.

Good! Because I’ve got some important things to say:

There was a concerning (and down-right terrifying) article about the direction of UVM’s Student Government Association (SGA) in this week’s edition of The Vermont Cynic. More concerning than the concerning fact itself is the fact that no one else seems concerned…

The SGA is clearly trying to slip some controversial legislation through while everyone else is too busy studying for finals, so I’m taking some time out of my busy study schedule to raise some awareness about this important issue that you should care about.

According to The Cynic, the SGA is going after foreigners on campus, trying to pass a piece of legislation that would first ban new foreigners on campus, and then see the removal of existing foreigners, to be replaced with natives.

The #1 target: Norwegians!

According to The Cynic (which apparently no longer bothers to update its website), certain SGA senators are recommending that we no longer admit Norwegian Maples on to our campus, labeling them as “invasive.”

Why are tree activists not all over this? This sort of move will set back the tree diversity movement on campus by at least 300 years, and no one seems to care.

Well, I care, for personal reasons.  Back in 2008, I became good friends with a Kentucky Coffee Tree on campus. I learned her story, listened to her music, and almost drank her poison coffee… We were good friends.  But she may very well be targeted under this legislation, as Kentucky Coffee Trees are non-native.

But this tree, this tree is down-right exotic and as old as the mastodons… And our SGA wants to see her gone.  *Sniff* It brings a tear to my eye.

Now, I wanted to do a bit of research into the Norwegian Maple, soon to be Public Enemy #1, to see if maybe there actually was something sinister about this foreign invader.

According to Wikipedia, Ol’ NorMaple has “good looks and urban hardiness” (hmm, maybe him and Kentucky Coffee Tree can get together…) but also “releases chemicals to discourage undergrowth” by which means it edges out the competition and dominates the forest.  Aw, poor guy can’t help himself.  And now the SGA is making him the villain.  SHAME ON THEM!

Its a hard life for an immigrant to this country!  He was to contend with Asian Long-horned Beetles, Ledidoptera that feed on maples, and a number of mildews and wilts.  Can’t we cut the poor guy a break?!

Get it?  “Cut him a break?” Haha!

Now, I’m a reasonable person.  A reasonable liberal person, in fact.  I’m not about to get up in arms about new taxes, especially one that seems so consistent with tax patterns and so in line with the good ol’ fashion ‘Merican value of “own your shit.”

So imagine my surprise as a peruse the VT political blog-o-sphere to find that some of my favorite liberal bloggers seem to be against the tax, because it is…a tax on poor people?  Even Gov-Elect P. Shumlin isn’t on board!

No no, that seems like a bit of crooked logic there:  I’m not sure what the stats are on this, but I think that the general consensus is that low-income populations consume more soda, and thus will be hit harder by the beverage tax… But there also more likely to have diet-related health issues like diabetes, heart disease, and obesity, and then are more likely to go to a doctor, who will bill their insurance company, and then increase the health-care premiums of other Vermonters, poor and rich alike.

There is a history of “vice taxes” on things like alcohol and tobacco, which are also more heavily consumed by lower-income populations.  The pattern of taxing enjoyable yet harmful products hardly seems aimed at taxing the poor, but rather aimed at reducing their usage and making sure that the users pay for the cost their use has to society.

Now, I’m no square, but I do recognize that I’d probably be healthier if I drank less beer.  People who drink TONS of beer would probably be TONS healthier if they reduced their intake, as would people who smoke TONS of cigarettes.  And people who drink TONS of sugary drinks (like soda!).

Taxing the products might just turn people away.  But then again, their will be those people who just don’t care about the 16 cent increase on a bottle of soda.  “Meh, its just 16 cents,” some might say.  Sure, but now it’s just 16 cents that can be added  to all those other 16 cents and then we can have whole dollars, and then whole hundreds of dollars, and then thousands of dollars that can go to work making sure Vermonter’s are able to make healthy choices about their diets.

Sounds like a pretty good deal to me… Thoughts?

Every year, after Thanksgiving break, hoards of over-burdened UVM students descend on the Bailey/Howe Library to complete their work.

And every year, ater Thanksgiving break, I go into the library to study at some of my favorite spaces, the places that I have frequented often throughout the semester… And find them taken over by others.

It’s a frustrating experience.  There is a “library crew” or regulars, like myself, who know the people who work there, especially the nice ladies in the cafe, and know their favorite spots to really get work done.

I know what desks or computers I can sit at without getting distracted (no views of windows or doors, but no one looking at my back either… Weird, I know).

Come finals time though, it is almost impossible to find any spot, and the computers are definitely difficult to get a hold of.  I have my own computer, and I have good study spaces at home, but during the day, with home twenty miles away, the library is my go-to choice.

And now my go-to choice doesn’t really work for me.

Is my frustration legitimate, or merely unfounded snobbish entitlement?

I like it! I like the First-year seminar courses (Hello, ethical conundrums!) and the Sophomore seminars (Hello, sitting out in the woods writing a personal journal and collecting probably-poisonous mushrooms!), but the other bullshit is… bullshit!

First off, what am I getting!? A little note on my degree that says I graduated “With Honors?”

Well, I guess when I think about it, I valued the experience a lot.  And while my retention of all that philosophy in the Ethics seminars was probably no more than 5% (Peter Singer and John Locke stand out) at least I got that much more mental exercise during those two semesters (the “I ran for every day for 6 months a year ago, so I can eat doughnuts whenever I want” mentality).

And I’ll probably find my thesis to be pretty satisfying too, whatever the heck it is I end up doing with that.  Just like Dante was transformed after his voyage through Hell, I’m sure I will be transformed after mine.

But what gets me is the distribution requirements:

UVM has seven neat little categories of general education requirements (they used to have eight, but dropped the Phys-Ed) and generally mandate that students take one class that applies to at least five of the seven.  That means that a science major can’t get away without taking some humanities classes, or a arts student can’t just paint their way to a degree.

The real kicker is that Honor’s College students need to fulfill all seven of the seven requirements! Oh-la-la, what a sexy challenge, yes?

Well, I’ve walked all over at least three of them (I don’t know what they are, but I imagine they probably have something to do with history, English, languages, or just being cool) but the remaining four are problematic: I need a Fine Arts course, a Math course, one run-of-the-mill Science course, and one fancy-shmancy Science course with a Lab included! course.

Thanks to Ms. Stacy Anthony of Essex High, I got the Math requirement taken care of four years ago with that A.P. Stats exam (It cost only $70!  It is amazing to think I thought that was expensive!).  So thank you, Stacy.  I owe you and Dave and that guy who called me a jerk in my American Politics class one, or three… Or $70.  So thanks again.

Anyway, now, after five semesters of lackadaisically bouncing around in my ivory tower, I need to wrap things up and knock off these other requirements (just so I can graduate “With Honors,” after all).  So I am ready to take them on all at once…

Welcome to Patrick LaClair’s Semester of Gen-Ed Requirement Bowling!

(I really wish that the Phys-Ed requirement was still here so I could actually go bowling for credit, but I’ll make due without.)

Regardless, bowling or no bowling, I’m pretty excited about the Frankenstein-style schedule I’ve got here this next semester:

The History of Jazz! (Best benefit of the Honor’s College?  Priority Registration, so I can be the first to get into this hot, hot class)

Exploring the Cosmos! (Fancy way of saying Astronomy 001)

Geology 001!!! (Exciting way of saying Geology 001)

Latin Epics! (Hey, what can I say, I have to indulge myself, right?!)

Etymology! (Oh, ok, maybe too indulgent, and this won’t actually count for ANY requirements, but it makes for good bed-time stories)

So that’s all something to look forward to!

In the meantime, I still have two and a half weeks to finish up this semester.

Oh my my my.

While I was preparing for an examination for my Modern Poetry class, I thought I might come on here and post a few of the poems I’ve really enjoyed over the course of the course (as you might be able to tell, I really enjoy the fun ones)… Enjoy!

This is Just to Say

William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

Bantams in Pine-Woods

Wallace Stevens

Chieftain Iffucan of Azcan in caftan
Of tan with henna hackles, halt!

Damned universal cock, as if the sun
Was blackmoor to bear your blazing tail.

Fat! Fat! Fat! Fat! I am the personal.
Your world is you. I am my world.

You ten-foot poet among inchlings. Fat!
Begone! An inchling bristles in these pines,

Bristles, and points their Appalachian tangs,
And fears not portly Azcan nor his hoos.

Oriad

H.D.

Whirl up, sea—
whirl your pointed pines,
splash your great pines
on our rocks,
hurl your green over us,
cover us with your pools of fir.

The fish

Marianne Moore

wade
through black jade.
       Of the crow-blue mussel-shells, one keeps
       adjusting the ash-heaps;
              opening and shutting itself like

an
injured fan.
       The barnacles which encrust the side
       of the wave, cannot hide
              there for the submerged shafts of the

sun,
split like spun
       glass, move themselves with spotlight swiftness
       into the crevices—
              in and out, illuminating

the
turquoise sea
       of bodies. The water drives a wedge
       of iron throught the iron edge
              of the cliff; whereupon the stars,

pink
rice-grains, ink-
       bespattered jelly fish, crabs like green
       lilies, and submarine
              toadstools, slide each on the other.

All
external
       marks of abuse are present on this
       defiant edifice—
              all the physical features of

ac-
cident—lack
       of cornice, dynamite grooves, burns, and
       hatchet strokes, these things stand
              out on it; the chasm-side is

dead.
Repeated
       evidence ahs proved that it can live
       on what can not revive
              its youth. The sea grows old in it.

But I’m really happy about Shumlin.  And really really happy that the Dubster backed down  instead of drawing this one out.  Now let’s move forward:

Peter Shumlin will move the nation forward.  With a progressive governor and a Democrat-controlled legislature, we can move forward on initiatives that other states have stalled on.  And our state leads other states, and other states lead the nation.

Look at woman’s suffrage.  It came state by state, and then was taken up nationally.  Same with abolition, and then Civil Rights.

And the same will happen with Gay Rights and marriage equity, and the same with universal health care coverage.  And the same with climate change legislation.

Perhaps the flailing attempts of the Big O, followed by the “National Tea Party Massacre” has shown us that a top-down approach doesn’t work.  These things need to be done organically, slowly, from the ground up.  That is, Idaho won’t give gays the same rights as Vermont in 2010, and that’s OK, for now.

But finally we can put out foot down on the issue here.  We can say, as Vermonters, that enough is enough.  That the timid and regressive nature of the nation will not dictate our actions.  That we’re going to see the big hope and the big change through.  We can say, without a veto-override but with a common voice, that we are really ready for change in a positive direction.

But maybe Shumlin is just our Little O, and maybe we’ll all be really disappointed in two years when Gitmo Vermont Yankee hasn’t been closed.  Who knows?  Time will tell.  But for now, I’ll go parade in the streets, happy that we’ve got something to hope for.